I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
