She said her name was "party"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
