Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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