My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
