I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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