And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
