I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
