If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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