i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
