My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
