That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
