lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
