so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
