Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
