never play flip cup with pint glasses
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found your dick twin last night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
