speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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