I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
