Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
