Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
