ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
