moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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