I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
