he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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