Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
