so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
