Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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