1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
