Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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