this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
