The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
