i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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