im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
