wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
