i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
