hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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