it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
