She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
honey bunches of taint.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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