1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
