Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
