he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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