I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
