Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
