The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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