it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
