I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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