I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
