I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
