I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
being pregnant is like rehab
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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