that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
