I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
