There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
