I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
