Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i now understand why vodka
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
