Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
