he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize