so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
