I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
