saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
