11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
