So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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