I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
