Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
