I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
