This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
