So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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