The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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