Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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