Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
