There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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